Rach,
When I was young, I was obsessed with the farming games on the computer. Farmville, Happy Farm, Harvest Moon, Stardew Valley. Being a farmer was one of my childhood dreams. My “perfect life”.
Then my world grew bigger.
School and society and family gave me this “white guilt”, that I should feel ashamed for just being comfortable in life. They convinced me to “play hero”, that I should dedicate and sacrifice my life to create world peace or to “leave a mark” in the sands of time, something like that.
And so I played hero.
I went to different countries and careers and industries, I learnt different languages and slangs. I studied land and marine animals and plants. I walked over so many mountains and crossed so many seas. I hoped to bring positive changes to all those places, I hoped to leave a mark in the sands of time.
Then I found paradise.
A Cambodian island where only idiots live. Some love the island and some hate the island. But regardless, everyone that gets on that island is an idiot in their own way. The whole thing about this island is insane and anyone that ever wants to stay on this island is insane. Everyone on that island is an insane idiot that has the potential to become a hero.
For the first time in my life, I truly understood the beauty of an ideal heaven. I could be a farmer in my life and still play a hero. Because I could just be the mama of these heroes and just cook for them and care for them. My kids are going to grow into heroes because of me. For the first time in my life, I tasted the joy of being a mama.
It’s hard to leave a family behind; but if the family thinks that it’s best for me to spread my wings further and wider, then I must go.
It’s hard to leave a family behind; but if I want to keep my life as light as a feather, then I must follow where the wind takes me.
I must go with the wind.
It’s just that it’s very hard to find a new nest. Where can I find my new nest to nurse? What kinds of kids do I want to raise this time? I need more time to think about it. Until the wind brings me to a new nest, I just want to keep floating in the wind and going with the flow.
I just want to be feather.
I just want to be wind.
But sometimes I also hope that one day, there’ll be a person so strong that they catch me from the wind and keep me in their palms. A hero that rescues me. I met that person too for the first time in my life when I was on the island.
I will always remember that insane idiot.
I will always remember my hero.
Thank you, my hero.
Beesword
